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Hal pertama yang muncul di benak sebagian besar orang terutama di Indonesia setelah mendengar kata cantik mungkin adalah sesosok wanita dengan postur tubuh tinggi, langsing, berkulit putih, behidung mancung, dll. Kita tidak akan berpikir demikian kalau konsep cantik itu sendiri tidak dibentuk, bukan? Banyak perempuan di Indonesia, termasuk saya (sebelum saya tersadar) merasa minder, ingin merubah bagian fisik tubuhnya menjadi bentuk atau warna yang baru supaya dia termasuk orang-orang yang dianggap cantik. Padahal, menurut saya, ketika dia berusaha merubah dirinya menjadi sosok baru, dia mulai memakai cangkang lain atau bisa dibilang topeng yang tidak menunjukan dirinya sendiri. Lebih tepat lagi bahwa mereka itu bersembunyi di balik sosok tubuh orang lain.

Pemikiran bahwa cantik itu harus seperti yang saya sebutkan tadi sudah ditanamkan orang-orang barat pada pikiran orang-orang hampir di seluruh negara sejak masa kanak-kanak. Misalnya saja cerita-cerita atau film-film fairy tales yang didalamnya terdapat sosok-sosok protagonis perempuan yang digambarkan berleher jenjang, berkulit putih, berbadan langsing, tinggi, dll. Bahkan sosok Pocahontas yang merupakan orang suku Indian pun digambarkan demikian, hanya berbeda warna kulit saja. Pantas saja jika konsep tersebut sudah mengakar kuat di benak kita.

Konsep cantik itu sendiri, siapa yang membentuk? Menurut saya, hal ini ada hubungannya dengan diskriminasi ras yang dilakukan oleh orang barat, bahwa ras mereka (orang-orang berkulit tak berwarna) merupakan ras manusia yang unggul dibandingkan dengan ras kulit berwarna. Sejak zaman kolonial, perbudakan, hingga sekarang, konsep itu masih melekat di sekitar kita. Hal yang paling mudah kita temui adalah pandangan kebanyakan masyarakat bahwa “bule” lebih istimewa dibndingkan warga negara kita sendiri. Misalnya dari segi penerimaan kerja, fasilitas umum, bidang akademik, dan masih banyak lagi.

Satu hal yang ingin saya kritisi dalam hal ini adalah perempuan. Ketika perempuan Indonesia menginginkan kulit putih, tubuh yang tinggi jenjang, hidung mancung, dll hingga bersedia mengeluarkan uang yang tidak sedikit untuk mendapatkan hal itu. Pemutih pun menjadi produk kosmetik terfavorit. Tak heran jika produk-produk yang menjanjikan bisa memutihkan kulit baik yang aman maupun yang berbahaya pun bisa laris di pasaran.

Hal yang sangat membuat saya miris adalah ketika melihat iklan salah satu produk pemutih kulit wanita P***S, yang menjanjikan kulit putih hanya dalam beberapa hari. Sebenarnya bukan hal itu yang ingin saya bahas, tapi sosok wanita yang ada dalam iklan tersebut yang mewakili wanita di seluruh Indonesia. Ketika dia berkulit gelap, tidak ada yang mau meliriknya, bahkan mungkin tidak ada yang menyadari keberadaannya. Sosok laki-laki yang menjadi lawannya pun demikian. Dia baru memandangnya dan ingin mendekatinya setelah ia bertransformasi menjadi perempuan berkulit putih. 
Apakah anda ingin pasangan anda hanya mencintai anda di saat-saat tertentu saja, hanya ketika anda terlihat bagus dimatanya? Tentu tidak, bukan? Kesan yang saya peroleh dari iklan itu adalah bahwa keindahan fisik merupakan segalanya. Hal ini juga merupakan bentuk diskriminasi bagi perempuan ketika mereka hanya dipandang dari segi fisik, bukan dari buah pikiran mereka.

Mungkin memang hal ini sudah terjadi dari dulu, sejak konsep Cartessian dualism (pemisahan antara mind-body) diajukan oleh Descrates. Hal ini menjadi awal munculnya pandangan bahwa yang bisa menggunakan mind hanya laki-laki sedangkan perempuan hanya bisa diandalkan dari segi fisiknya saja. Alhasil perempuan di zaman itu tidak mempunyai hak berpendapat dan hak pilih karena mereka dianggap tidak berkapasitas menggunakan mind.

Sejak saya menyadari hal ini, saya menjadi lebih percaya diri menjadi diri saya apa adanya, tanpa harus bersusah payah supaya terlihat cantik di mata orang lain. Toh nanti ketika kita bertemu pasangan hidup kita, dia bisa melihat kita tidak hanya dari segi fisik, tapi juga sisi lain yang menjadi inner beauty yang tidak akan pernah lekang oleh waktu. Satu lagi, seluruh penampilan fisik tidak menentukan kualitas diri kita. Yang menentukan adalah usaha dan kerja keras kita dan sejauh mana pemikiran dan seluruh potensi yang ada pada diri kita bermanfaat bagi orang sekitar. Mungkin banyak orang yang tidak sependapat dengan tulisan saya, it’s okay, ini hanya cara saya memandang sesuatu. :)


I have several reasons why I consider my self as one of lucky persons. First, I am lucky because I own such wonderful parents. I was born as the fifth children in a small village in Garut. Most of people in my hometown still have a traditional thought that to study formally only spend up their money. They think that it’s better to get a job without finishing their school first. Many girls of the same age as me have got married because their parents think that the place for the women is only at home, to take care of their children, cook for their family and don’t need to be educated. My mother was one of the victims of this thought. She only finished elementary school and then got married to my father. However, my mother has a different view. She doesn’t want her children experiencing the same thing with her. Both of my parents concern about the education of their children. That’s why I promise myself that I won’t disappoint them, who have been working hard so that all of my brothers and I could attain the higher stage of education. I show them by studying hard to present the best thing to make them proud of me.
                The second one, is that I have got many great chances in my life. Since I was elementary student, my teachers always gave special attention to me. They always gave the chances of every competition to me. It might be because I was one of the best students at school. That’s why I could get some achievements, such as the first winner of reading poetry competition of West Java, tenth winner of Indonesian Language competition of West Java, third winner of the best junior high school students of Garut, and many others. Those chances are very important to form my character so that I can be confident. I want show that although I come from small village, I can attain them.
                The third reason is that I can be one of the English Department students in Universitas Padjadjaran, one of my biggest dreams. I didn’t get this chance in my frist year since graduated from high school. I had to wait one year more to make my dream come true. I spent my times in helping my brother in his computer shop. While helping my brother, I still studied to pass the SNMPTN test, the only way I could continue my study because my parents had not enough money to pay for the expense if I passed by SMUP test or applied to private colleges which were more expensive. For the first time, my fourth brother belittled me because he thought that it will be better if I chose another favorite major. Since that time, I have wanted to show him that someday, I will succeed with my own way. I don’t need to be a doctor, dentist, or whatever it is, I only need to be my self and do my best.
                During my study in UNPAD, besides studying, I also joined organizations. From this experiences I learned how to communicate with other people, how to share, and how I can maximize my ability, not only in academic. Joining Taman Ilmu, an organization which work on education for the children in Sukanegla, Jatinangor, is the best gift for me. I can share my ability as English teacher with the children. Many of them have financial problem. Furthermore, some of them couldn’t continue their study and work as waiters in some restaurants around Jatinangor. By those children I learn to be grateful with all that I have now. This is the fourth reason why I consider my self to be one of lucky persons.
                Those experiences always remind and motivate me to keep studying and trying optimally. I don’t want to disappoint my parents who have a significant role in my life. I also want to show my brothers and all people around me that my choice was right. I want to maximize my ability in English to make all of my dreams come true, and to share more with those children so that they can get the same chance with me.

Saat tak ada orang yang bisa mendengarkanku...
Saat tak ada orang yang bisa memahamiku...
Saatku merasa penat dengan semuanya..
Saat ku benar-benar merasa sendiri...
Baru kusadari ada Dia yang justru tak berhenti mencintaiku,
memahamiku sepenuhnya, tak berhenti memerhatikanku, memenuhi semua yang kubutuhkan, begitu dekat denganku,

tapi... begitu bodohnya aku yang baru tersadar ketika ku merasa sendiri,

begitu nikmatnya berduaan dengan-Nya,
mencurahkan segala isi hatiku, semua kesedihanku...
Subhanallah...Begitu besar cinta-Nya padaku...
Sungguh indah ketika air mataku menetes...Dalam sujudku...
Kupasrahkan segalanya...Rabb...Hanya Engkau yang benar-benar memahamiku...
Hanya padaMu ku mengadu...
Aku bersimpuh di hadapan Mu...
Mengharap keridhoanMu
Terangilah hatiku dengan cahayaMu
Aku mohon ampun atas semua dosaku yang sudah tak terhitung lagi...

Sungguh bodoh jika ku menangis karena orang-orang itu...
Karena materi,
karena dunia...
Semuanya tak ada apa-apanya...
Karena kehidupan semata mata hanyalah tempat untuk mempersiapkan kematian...Mempersiapkan diri untuk bertemu denganMu...

Tetapkan nikmat ini untukku ya Rabb...
Nikmat iman yang tak bisa digantikan dengan nikmat apapun di dunia ini...

aku suka duniaku yang satu ini
di sini aku adalah setangkai bunga,
satu jenis bunga yang selalu mekar sepanjang waktu dengan aroma yang sangat khas...
indah dipandang dan harum baunya,

walaupun aku tak bisa teriak, tak punya tangan seperti mereka yang lalu lalang itu, tapi aku jadi pusat perhatian di sini,

banyak orang memandangiku, senang melihatku, ya walaupun hanya sekedar melihat.
bahkan mereka menciumiku, menikmati wangiku yang khas,
mereka selalu bermain di sini...ya di taman yang indah ini

begitu banyak bunga di sini, dan semua orang yang datang menyukainya, menikmati indah dan wanginya,

aku biarkan kupu-kupu dan kumbang-kumbang itu hinggap di atasku untuk membuat madu,
aku biarkan orang-orang itu menkmati indahku
aku senang bisa berguna bagi mereka,

walaupun tak melakukan apapun, aku bisa memberikan sesuatu yang kupunya bagi mereka,

karena, mereka juga sangat kusayangi, seperti aku menyayangi orang-orang yang lalu lalang itu.

di sini aku dihargai, dicintai, dan jadi tempat berbagi para kumbang dan kupu-kupu,

aku bahagia sampai-sampai tak pernah ingin layu agar aku bisa terus menikmati semua ini.

di sini aku punya tempat, aku merasa benar-benar ada,

di duniaku yang satu ini, aku menemukan arti cinta dan keluarga, betapa indahnya berbagi dan saling menyayangi,
aku sayang kumbang dan kupu-kupu kecil itu, mereka selalu menghiburku dengan warna sayap yang indah dan gaya terbang mereka yang sangat memikat.

aku juga sayang orang orang yang menikmati indahku itu. mereka dengan ikhlas menyiramiku, memupuki aku supaya aku tak lekas layu di taman ini.


terima kasih semuanya,

terima kasih telah memberi aku tempat di taman yang indah ini
dan terimakasih telah menjadikanku bunga indah yang berarti :)

dalam hidupku, aku punya banyak dunia,

dalam duniaku yang satu ini, entah kenapa, aku merasa seperti seonggok batu di tengah padang pasir yang luas.

Aku hanya bisa diam, karena aku hanyalah seonggok batu.
aku hanya bisa melihat orang-orang itu bekerja susah payah, lalu lalang kesana kemari, tanpa mempedulikan keberadaanku,
sungguh aku ingin membantu mereka, tapi bagaimana caranya? aku tidak tahu apa-apa, aku tak tau apa yang harus aku lakukan dengan segala keterbatasanku.
sungguh aku tak nyaman di duniaku yang satu ini.
padahal, mereka sangat menikmatinya, walaupun dunia yang satu ini hanya padang pasir yang gersang dan panas mentari pun bisa dengan ganasnya membakar kulit mereka, mereka tetap tersenyum dan terus berjuang dan saling bantu untuk mewujudkan mimpi mereka.

Apa yang bisa kulakukan? apa yang bisa kubantu??? andai aku bisa berteriak seperti mereka, andai aku bisa bicara, menawarkan bantuan untuk mereka, andai aku punya tangan untuk meringankan beban mereka, tapi..... aku hanyalah seonggok batu.


aku tak tau aku harus kemana, kenapa aku ada di dunia seperti ini? kenapa aku tak bisa bantu mereka? kenapa mereka tak memedulikan keberadaanku? apa mereka sadar aku ada diantara mereka?? apa karena aku hanyalah seonggok batu?


aku malu, aku tak nyaman, aku ingin membantu, tapi bagaimana? apa gunanya aku bagi mereka?


aku sayang mereka, orang yang lalu lalang di hadapanku itu, yang tak mengenalku bahkan tak memandang keberadaanku dan tak sadar bahwa aku ada.


mereka itu orang yang hebat, pekerja keras, tak kenal lelah dan kata menyerah,

mereka bekerja untuk kebaikan, tak mengharap pamrih, hanya belas kasih dari Sang Pencipta,
aku sangat mengaguminya, aku sangat menyayanginya, andai saja mereka mau melirik kerahku, betapa senangnya aku,



tapi...

aku hanyalah seonggok batu di tengah padang pasir
maafkan aku yang hanya bisa diam....
karena....
aku hanyalah seonggok batu di tengah padang pasir

For Indonesian people, rice is the most important thing to survive their lives because rice is the staple food for them. Although it has a significant role, many people don’t realize that there’s a real lachrymose story behind a plate of rice which they eat every mealtime. Most of them only know how to get it, how much it is, how to cook and eat it, without knowing the fact behind it. It is the reason why many people don’t appreciate what they eat, especially rice.
The fact that rice, as the most important thing, is not appraised as it should be. This is based on my research that every time I have my meal time in canteen or in restaurant, I get much evidence which shows that it really happens around us. For about 6 of 10 persons do not eat up their meal. They left the rest of the rice in the plate without realizing something, that there are many complicated steps which become a long story that will change the mindsets of those who just waste it away.
Due to the fact that my parents are farmers who have a rice-paddy sector in my village, I know the process of producing the rice well enough since it was still in the form of seed, until it grows and bears the grains and deserve to be harvested. I’m the lucky one because I don’t need to do such hard work in the rice field because there are many labors who will handle it. We just need to pay them with rice every harvesttime. If  I counted their energy, it would not be proportionate with what they get. After suffering in the sun all day in order to produce the best quality of rice, they are only paid with small amount of rice. They do all of that works to help us so that we can eat the best rice ever. However, we don’t appreciate what they have done, and just waste their masterpiece away.
For those, whose lives are difficult, it’s not easy to buy rice. Rice is luxurious food which could only be obtained after laboring over. They struggle under difficulties by working very hard but they are only paid cheaply which is not enough to pay for their living, even to buy the food only for one meal time. Sometimes they have to find some food for dinner in the garbage. If they are lucky, they can get the leftovers which we have wasted before. Of course it’s very inhuman, while we can eat all kind of foods that we want easily and just waste it offhandedly, they only eat the leftovers of our foods in the garbage. Furthermore, there are another unlucky persons who are starving to death because they can’t get any food to eat.
Finally, I want to emphasize one thing, that we have to appreciate of everything around us, even the simplest thing. It is because not every simple thing is a simple thing for them who have worked by the sweat of his brow to deliver a thing that we consider as the simplest thing. At last, we have to realize that for other people, rice is a the most important thing that determine someone’s life and death.

This story tells about a black girl named Marguerite Johnson who lived in a broken family, divorced parents. She had a handsome brother whom she loved very much named Bailey Johnson whose age was one year older than her. Having divorced parents, she and her brother had to move from California to live with her grandmother, Mrs. Annie Henderson, whom they called Momma, in Stamp, a little town in Arkansas.
For her, Arkansas was a strange place where there are a large number of black persons who worked as cotton picker. She lived there with her momma, Bailey, and his imperfection uncle, Willie. During his life in Arkansas, she and her brother had to help their momma in her Store, where was always crowded with the labors in the lunch time. In store, she learned many things because she found the real fact of social life among the negro.
She had to face such a difficult social condition in Arkansas since that place was dominated with many Negro labors and some white men and their white children who always teased them as negro people. She also had to realize that the bad economical and social condition around her, which there were many people who had to struggle their lives difficultly because they only earned a little money, forced her to live her life trivially. To maintain the store, momma had to decrease the price so that the people still could reach the price.
At first, she hated to live with her momma and she didn’t like her. However, day by day she lived there, she found that her momma was a great strong woman. She didn’t have any trouble or looked angry when some white children teased her. She also a caring and religious women who always sing in the church on Sunday. She was like a mom figure for her.
One day, on a Christmas, their mom sent them the Christmas presents. It drove them mad because it hurt them when they could forget their mom, she appeared again and tore their heart.
A year later their dad came to Arkansas to pick them up to their mother in St. Louis. At first, she hated to leave her momma and was scared to see her mom in St. Louis. They lived with their mom’s family until they had to move again to their mom’s own home. They lived not only with his mother but also with her boyfriend, Mr. Freeman.
Her life in the new home was fine and going well until one day, when she slept in her mom’s bedroom, her mom had to leave to work early while she was still sleeping with Mr. Freeman. Her life changed drastically on that day when he was raped by Mr. Freeman. Yet, she was not realized that she was raped, she felt like in the heaven instead. Mr. Freeman threaten her that he would kill Bailey if she told all they have done to anyone.
Several days later, when she got sick after being raped, Mr. Freeman confronted with her mom and he left home then. Finally, Bailey and her mom knew what happened when they found the stained pants under the mattress.
Analysis
This is an interesting story for me because there were many good quotations, and also the cultures and social life among the black American during that time. I want to make an analysis of the main character and about the cultures as the setting.
According to Encarta, Maya Angelou was an American writer and an advocate of the civil rights who was born in St. Louis, Missouri, on April 1928. Maya Angelou was adopted as her penname in 1953. Her actual name was Marguerite Johnson. After I read this, I’ve just realized that it was autobiographical novel. Wikipedia has the same argument that this story tells about the early years of Maya Angelou.
In this essay I just analyzed the main characters in this story, Marguerite Johnson. She was Maya Angelou itself, the ‘I’ who told the whole story. She was an innocent little girl who had to fight the difficult situation in her early childhood. She also had to face the fact that her parents had divorced, being separated with her mom and dad, and that she had been raped by her mother’s boyfriend. Marguerite was not too religious and pious Christian as her momma. In chapter 4 she told that the only reason she chose to be Christian was because she was grateful of having beloved brother like Bailey who always covered him from everyone who tried to insulted her of being ugly. However, in the later chapter he cited some parts of the bible and mention which part was her favorite.
Marguerite was an imaginative child who always compare someone to something, even to animals. She also personified or made the description of God in her own way. Everything she saw, she always think about the other thing which could be compared.
She was inconsistent since she showed different feeling, for example  when she had to move from her momma’s house in Arkansas to St. Louis. At first, she hated momma, then, she found that momma was such a great woman that she learned many things from her. She said that it was difficult for her to leave her momma and had to live with her mom whom she hated, but when she moved again to her mom’s house she said the argument which contradict with the previous one, “moving from the house where the family was centered meant absolutely nothing to me. It was a small pattern in the grand design of our lives.” (Angelou, 1970, p. 68)
Besides that, Marguerite was also inconsistent with her views about how should we live in such difficult situation because when she lived with momma, she found the fact that many people suffered around her. When she lived with her mom, she got different life and she enjoyed of being lavish in the metropolitan city like St. Louis.
Another interesting things was the cultures behind it. The story was happen during the difficult situation for the black American because of the race discrimination by the whites. The black was isolated in many aspects of life. It was the reason why Marguerite said that the real ‘people’ for her were only the black people around her, not the white folks. May be the white folks like the unusual ‘things for them.
Besides that, the issues about the cultures was also exciting to me, although it was simple problem about nicknaming someone with or without Mrs. and calling the respected persons by their first name or by their last name. In that moment, it was not common for the whites calling the blacks with Mrs. or Ms. Before their names. It was shown in the last paragraph of chapter 7, “The judge had really made a gaffe calling a negro woman Mrs.” (Angelou, 1970, p. 48) or in chapter 5 “they called my uncle by his first name and ordered him around the store. He, to my crying shame, obeyed them in his limping dip-straight-dip fashion” (Angelou, 1970, p. 28) and in the end of chapter five, “how could momma call them Miz?” (Angelou, 1970, p. 32). It was such an important thing because it was related to the someone’s respectabilities.
The setting of this story was in Arkansas, the South part of the US. Based on the history that I’ve read in Encarta, America was divided into two big parts, the Sothern and Northern America. Those were so different that the Southern was the agriculture-based while the Northern was Industry-based. The Southern need the black people to be the slaves in developing the farm especially in producing cotton but the northern disagreed about the slavery until both of those parts made a war, the Civil War. However, after the war, the black still couldn’t get the equal rights with the whites. This is the reason why Arkansas was dense with the negro who worked as the labors in the cotton fields. It was very different with St. Louis, which was one of the border states, had been developed to be a metropolis city. It was very different with Arkansas which was still isolated.
Marguerite, as a little child had to encounter several different societies every time she moved to another places. It changed her personalities and how she appraised something. The way she tell the story, how she observed everything around her, and how she described someone, built her character in this story so that we could recognize what a kind of people she was.  From her description and imagination of everyone around her, we also could know how the characteristics of them.

aku suka dia dengan segala kesempurnaannya,
dia membuat jadi makhluk yang paling bahagia dengan segala yang ada dalam dirinya
aku suka cara dia berjalan yang tidak membuatku bosan dengan alurnya,
kamu tahu? tak semua orang diberi kesempatan untuk memilikinya, hanya aku, dan tidak ada yang lain...

Dia sangat indah, membuatku tak bisa berpaling pada yang lain. karena dialah yang terbaik untukku...
ya cuma untukku,

Jangan pernah iri padaku karena dalam dirinya ada keluarga hebat yang sangat menyayangiku, mereka selalu membantuku dalam situasi apapun, betapa aku sangat mencintaintainya

ada lagi!dia juga punya banyak sahabat untukku yang selalu bisa membuatku tertawa,senang, dan melupakan semua beban jika ku sedang dalam masalah, mereka tak kan pernah ragu membantuku! Betapa bahagianya aku bisa miliki mereka

masih ada lagi! dia juga punya guru yang paling hebat yang bisa mengajariku banyak hal hingga aku bisa seperti sekarang, guru-guru itulah yang mengajariku berhijab, mengenal Allah, dan mengajariku mencintaiNya dengan sepenuh hatiku, beruntungnya aku bisa jadi murid mereka!

jangan salah, karena masih banyak lagi yang lainnya!
di dalamnya ada sebuah istana yang bisa kutinggali selama hidup di dunia, dan lebih hebatnya lagi aku tinggal di sana bersama orang-orang hebat yang selalu ada untukku...

jika kusebutkan satu-satu, kalian pasti cemburu!! :D karena aku mencintainya dengan segala kekurangan dan kelebihan yang dia miliki, dialah jalan hidupku yang indah, berliku, sederhana dan penuh warna! sangat mengasyikan!!

betapa bodohnya aku jika ku terus menangisi sesuatu yang tak pasti, padahal sudah jelas di hadapanku, aku memiliki semuanya, betapa sempurnanya hidupku yang telah Dia atur dengan begitu indahnya :)
betapa sombongnya aku jika ku tak mau bersyukur atas apa yang telah Ia hadiahkan padaku, terimakasih ya Allah :)
betapa ku mencintaiMu dengan sepenuh hatiku, karena hanya Engkau yang mencintai dan memahamiku seutuhnya

Bismillahirrahmanirrahiim….
di halaman ini ku ingin bercerita…tentangku….kehidupan yang selama ini aku jalani…sungguh terasa berat memang…ketika ku jauh dari orang-orang yang teramat ku cintai, ayah bunda terhebat sepanjang usiaku… dan ternyata…aku memang belum terlalu kuat untuk jauh dari mereka…
ku menyerah…ku tak sanggup lagi tinggal di sini…
di suatu tempat di mana kualami berbagai hal yang membebani pikiran dan hatiku…
kini ku kan pergi tinggalkan tempat ini…
Semoga dengan ini kudapatkan hari yang lebih cerah dalam hidup ku,
ayah bunda terhebat, ya…mereka mendidiku bagaimana caranya berdiri tegak, menguatkanku kala ku lemah, temani sepiku, hapus air mataku, selimutiku kala ku kedinginan, memelukku erat kala ku senang dan susah, mereka mengajariku makna cinta yang haqiqi, cinta abadi yang tak kan pernah sirna hingga hembusan nafasku yang terakhir…
mereka mengenalkanku pada keagungan Tuhan, mengajariku mencitai-Nya dengan segenap jiwa dan ragaku, hingga ku yakin benar bahwa hanya Dialah sang pemilik cinta abadi… hanya Dia yang tak pernah tinggalkanku…. walaupun begitu banyak dosa yang tlah kulakukan, cinta-Nya tak pernah putus untukku…. Dia penuhi kebutuhanku… Dia berikan keluarga terhebat untukku, semuanya tlah kudapatkan dari-Nya….
Tapi…kenapa ku slalu lupa akan hal itu… sungguh sedikit sekali waktu yang kupakai untuk ucapkan terima kasih atas cinta-Nya.. ku slalu mencari orang yang dapat memberiku cinta abadi itu…
ku slalu berpikir tak ada seorangpun yang mencintaiku…
apalagi ketika ku jauh dengan orang-orang yang kucintai… ku merasa sendirian… ditinggalkan… tak ada seorang pun yang peduli padaku… padahal sesungguhnya cinta-Nya teramat dekat… bahkan lebih dekat dari urat nadiku sendiri…
ketika keempat pahlawanku tlah mempunyai labuan cinta yang baru… sungguh ku merasa sakit… ku slalu berpikir, mereka tak lagi mencintaiku, tak ada lagi dongeng sebelum tidur, sapaan yang hangat, senyuman mendamaikan jiwa… ucapan cinta dan sayang serta kado kecil di hari kelahiranku… semuanya tlah hilang… apa mereka tlah melupakanku??
ku slalu berangan-angan…seandainya datang seorang pangeran yang mencintaiku setulus hatinya… yang akan menjadi imam dalam hidupku,
yang akan membuatku lebih memahami arti cinta itu…
membimbingku untuk lebih mencintai-Nya…
seseorang yang mencintaiku karena-Nya…
begitupun aku yang kan mencintainya…hanya karena-Nya
semoga Sang Pemilik Cinta Sejati berkenan membimbingku agar tak salah langkah…
agar ku tak kehilangan cinta dari orang-orang yang teramat berharga dalam hidupku… dan semoga Dia berikan seorang Imam terbaik untukku… Amiin…
teruntuk orang paling berharga dalam hidupku… "Ma…Pa…walopun nggak baca tulisan ini…. walopun neng nggak bilang secara lisan… neng cuma pengen bilang makasih buat semua yang dah mama apa kasih… maafin neng da banyak ngecewain mama apa, da banyak ngerepotin juga…semoga dengan pindahnya neng ini bisa bikin masa depan neng lebih baik & bikin mama apa bangga dengan prestasi neng nanti….doa & dukungan dari mama apa sangat berarti buat neng, neng sayang mama apa…"